> What about updates, backups, TLS certs, domains, etc?
You are right that one has to take care of those individually. For domains, however, I would say that it’s important that you manage them separately from the VPS provider, because this lets you switch VPSs easily at any time. For TLS certs you use something like certbot, or a web server like Caddy that has it built-in. It’s generally straightforward. VPS providers usually also offer backup solutions. If you use software from a Linux distribution like Debian or Ubuntu, automated security updates are easy.
For me, but what about my grandma? I want her to be able to live in a world where she can use her old smartphone to run an Immich server by simply installing an app like any other, then going through a simple OAuth flow to create a tunnel to the net so her friends can access her photos from a link she gives them. That's the level of UX I'm pursuing.
Why does grandma need that level of UX and to self host it? Why doesn't any of her loving grandchildren run an unRAID server at their house and help her out?
You are right that one has to take care of those individually. For domains, however, I would say that it’s important that you manage them separately from the VPS provider, because this lets you switch VPSs easily at any time. For TLS certs you use something like certbot, or a web server like Caddy that has it built-in. It’s generally straightforward. VPS providers usually also offer backup solutions. If you use software from a Linux distribution like Debian or Ubuntu, automated security updates are easy.