Assertive is not aggressive. But for some reason this statement angers a good many people, because I’ve made this statement multiple times on here in the last decade and seen that response repeatedly.
For me, I'm not a particularly assertive person, so when I have to be or decide to be, it often becomes aggressive for some reason, it's like somehow I don't know how to be assertive without being aggressive...I'm not sure why... I'd like to learn how to learn this, tbh.
I think I know what you mean. For me personally: aggressive only happens when I start to go limbic; assertive is when I am calm. I can prevent the transition when I can feel myself getting defensive or scared, which turns to anger, and then aggression. But that takes patience and practice! Still working at it.