> I try to use depersonalized language for this reason. Instead of saying "you" did this (yeah that's right, YOU), I'll tell someone that their account is doing something, or that their comment is a certain way. This creates distance between their account or their comment and them, which leaves them freer to be receptive and to change.

I feel quite excited to read that you, dang, moderating HN, use a similar technique that I use for myself and try to teach others. Someone told my good friend the other day that he wasn't being a very good friend to me, and I told him that he may do things that piss me off, annoy me, confuse me, or whatever, but he will always be a good friend to me. I once told an Uber driver who told me he just got out of jail and was a bad man, I said, "No, you're a good man who probably did a bad thing."

Thank you for your write-up.