> The nicer you state your messages the more people will listen to you.
Most of the evidence I see directly contradicts this. The most successful people I know are generally very nice, but can turn on the assholishness very tactically.
People don't remember Feynman's O-ring demonstration because it was nice, they remember it because it was a nasty takedown in spite of it not being strictly correct.
After 30+ years, my father could get most misbehaving high school students to stop with just a quip that embarrassed them in front of their peers. That may have pissed off the student, but it was less disruptive to both class and the student than having to stop class, send the student to the administration, and invoke overzealous cover-your-ass administration punishment.
In most successful projects I have been involved with, a single person dragged it's bleeding, broken corpse across the finish line. And, I assure you, they weren't always being very nice at the end--generally justifiably so to people in the way.
And, being nice in politics got us where we are today--a resurgent set of right-wing demagogues in multiple countries.
Sorry, just not seeing it. I"m not saying "You should always be a raging asshole," but I see precious little evidence that being the "nicer" person turns out better in the long run.
Game theory, in fact, prefers tit-for-tat, no? Be nice and forgive, but do punish those who deserve it.
> The most successful people I know are generally very nice, but can turn on the assholishness very tactically
I have a manager's manager that's great to talk to, and one of his stated talents is he can "take a passive-aggressive situation and remove the passive component quickly and effectively". He's great.
Most of the evidence I see directly contradicts this. The most successful people I know are generally very nice, but can turn on the assholishness very tactically.
People don't remember Feynman's O-ring demonstration because it was nice, they remember it because it was a nasty takedown in spite of it not being strictly correct.
After 30+ years, my father could get most misbehaving high school students to stop with just a quip that embarrassed them in front of their peers. That may have pissed off the student, but it was less disruptive to both class and the student than having to stop class, send the student to the administration, and invoke overzealous cover-your-ass administration punishment.
In most successful projects I have been involved with, a single person dragged it's bleeding, broken corpse across the finish line. And, I assure you, they weren't always being very nice at the end--generally justifiably so to people in the way.
And, being nice in politics got us where we are today--a resurgent set of right-wing demagogues in multiple countries.
Sorry, just not seeing it. I"m not saying "You should always be a raging asshole," but I see precious little evidence that being the "nicer" person turns out better in the long run.
Game theory, in fact, prefers tit-for-tat, no? Be nice and forgive, but do punish those who deserve it.