I'm a "less fortunate, mistaken, and afraid" immigrant living in Canada.
It would feel so refreshing to get the truth straight sometimes, instead of the oh-so-subtle and gentle ways Canadians have of dealing with clashing cultural behaviours.
The end result is I don't know what I'm doing wrong until years later, because so many think the right thing to do is coddle me.
Many of us want to adapt, and if we don't have access to the ground truth, it's a painfully slow process that is simply holding us back from fully integrating into society.
Canadians: I love you guys, but please give it to us straight.
As a Canadian who lived outside the country for a few years, I would say that most Canadians* are ignorant of the unwritten rules that underpin our culture, just due to the fact it’s hard to see the arbitrary choices that lead to our current society without deeply experiencing another.
It’s not malicious, it’s misunderstanding.
Ask for feedback on your perceived missteps (prefer “what” and “how” questions), and you’ll likely get answers. I also believe that it will lead to a learning opportunity for both parties.
* I would add that you could replace “Canadian” with any identity that has any sense of isolation.
This resonates. As a nerdy adolescent in BC, I couldn't understand why I sometimes felt gaslit and confused after seemingly polite exchanges. Moving to east coast USA fixed it--I'll take candor and tough love over passive aggression any day. I recognize it's not for everyone, but this worked for me.
This is an interesting point-of-view to me because I've lived on the east coast of the USA my entire life, roughly split between two places. Between that and the changes that come with aging, I have mixed feelings about this point that I don't fully understand myself. I'll try and explain anyway though.
I like the intent delivered clearly over roundabout ways of getting there. It can weaken the meaning otherwise to not try and be more direct. So clear intent is good. And of course I dislike are when people either make criticism personal, but I think most people feel that way.
What I dislike the most are when people drop their criticism off for you and let you deal with it. It's weird to not have any room for questions. It's hard to work with that and improve on the criticism without being able to discuss it. I also think I find it jarring how few people express any sort of self-doubt either, or room for the possibility that they may be misunderstanding something causing their criticism.
The interesting thing is that sometimes people are willing to help out, but they won't directly say they are, or even drop a subtle hint that they are. If you sort of go in head-first and just ask the dumb questions you may find they're very helpful. But that lack-of clarity is bothering to me.
It would feel so refreshing to get the truth straight sometimes, instead of the oh-so-subtle and gentle ways Canadians have of dealing with clashing cultural behaviours.
The end result is I don't know what I'm doing wrong until years later, because so many think the right thing to do is coddle me.
Many of us want to adapt, and if we don't have access to the ground truth, it's a painfully slow process that is simply holding us back from fully integrating into society.
Canadians: I love you guys, but please give it to us straight.