I hate all of my jobs. Computer programming just doesn't seem worth it for 100-120k. I could work an easier job for a better money/bullshit ratio. My therapist is concerned. So am I.
What if I don't fit in anywhere? I'm extremely sensitive with a high EQ, am an INTP. People really like me, and I make fast friends and can run a room extremely effectively. I've always been "the funny guy."
I'm absurdly driven A-type and I go crazy if I can't hack and distinguish myself through my natural work ethic and intellect.
I do EXCELLENT at both the interpersonal and implementation part of software engineering. I've never had a bad review.
I've fucked my career up while actively trying to build my resume. I thought building a successful start up would help my resume. It doesn't. Nobody cares. People want to pay me the same mediocre pay for a harder job five years later. They want to see Google and an ivy league on the resume.
I don't know what to do anymore.
After 10 years and a 4 year degree, I'm totally lost as to what to do next.
I don't know you, but it doesn't sound like programming is the problem. 100-120k is objectively a lot of money and it sounds like you're comparing yourself to others who have shinier jobs and higher salaries. Maybe it would be healthy to focus less on accomplishment/prestige and more on enjoyment.
I feel like I'm 5 years into what you are describing. From time to time I start to get that lost feeling too these days.
In my mind I have it mapped out that I only really have to do this another 8 or so years.
Then just go on whatever the hell journey seems the most interesting once finances are no longer the main priority.
But during that 8 year trek I struggle with "now that side projects and learning new tech are no longer fun by default, how do I make them fun because otherwise the fact that they completely consume 100% of my free time sometimes makes me mildly depressed."
if this is all true, the obvious answer is consulting. the non-obvious answer is developer advocacy/evangelism. when you search for "developer advocacy", it's all "what do DAs do?". it's sales, but targeted at developers. developers don't like BS, so how do you sell to developers? show them how to build cool shit and make their lives easier. finding a niche is great, since you are no longer as replaceable. but DA roles will only work if you're realistic about your standards, other peoples' levels and standards, and you're truly empathetic, and don't have a chip on your shoulder.
What about academics? If you're insanely driven and want to distinguish yourself, you could do well there. You sound like professors I have had, funny and engaging and always driving for the next Grant or paper. The CS at my decent state school was total garb, they are still stuck on Java and PHP, my worst professor there is now dept chair because they have no good options. You'd do tremendous good in academics, or hell even in non profits or open source.
If you're driven for distinction and excellence and a middling level of income and wealth is ok, I think the impact could be big!
What if I don't fit in anywhere? I'm extremely sensitive with a high EQ, am an INTP. People really like me, and I make fast friends and can run a room extremely effectively. I've always been "the funny guy."
I'm absurdly driven A-type and I go crazy if I can't hack and distinguish myself through my natural work ethic and intellect.
I do EXCELLENT at both the interpersonal and implementation part of software engineering. I've never had a bad review.
I've fucked my career up while actively trying to build my resume. I thought building a successful start up would help my resume. It doesn't. Nobody cares. People want to pay me the same mediocre pay for a harder job five years later. They want to see Google and an ivy league on the resume.
I don't know what to do anymore. After 10 years and a 4 year degree, I'm totally lost as to what to do next.